The Lone Soldier

Now this blog was mentioned in an earlier blog post here and I’d like to forewarn that all of it’s contents are completely true. My Commander is Batshit Crazy. Before I start this, remember to check out the tons of new pictures over at The Lone Soldier Flick Page and become a fan on The Lone Soldier Facebook Page!

My commander, who will remain unnamed for the time being, just in case he stumbles upon my blog (even though he doesn’t know a lick of English), would make a wonderful pledge master in a fraternity. He loves to run us to the ground, slam us with pushups, barely feed us and then repeat the procedure over and over again until we’re on the brink of turning our guns on him. He does this all while screaming like I’ve never heard someone scream before (I am truly impressed that he hasn’t gone hoarse even once).

This man or shall I say boy, because I am just about 4 years his elder can really torture people in a way that is difficult to describe. All the things he forces us to do, he somehow makes seem easy as he blasts past us running or effortlessly performs other exercises (only lately have I begun to beat him with pushups [he’ll start shaking while I’m still going strong!]). He has a full beard and lightly thinning hair making him look a bit older than I, with a birth mark on his eyeball that truly makes him seem the killing type. At first I had a profound respect for him because everything we did he proved that he could do and many times could do even better. Lately this respect has turned into a bit of a joke to me though.

I’ve begun to realize that you take someone much more seriously when they get angry once in a while rather than being angry and loud all the time which is just what he is. One of the other Mefaked’s (commander) only gets loud once in a while, but you know to take him seriously when he does. My Mefaked screams and yells, and wonders why we continue to screw around. He hasn’t realized that his constant yelling has turned more into a bit of a laughing matter to us all rather than an intimidation factor. I’m looking forward to the day training is over and I can just tell him how batshit crazy he is. The problem is, we still have another 4 months of training, and he can still make us run till we drop in exhaustion.

This week (Thursday through Wednesday) we were sent to do guard duty at one of the bases on the border of the West Bank. We were doing guard duty there every day, each person in different places – some stayed on the base, some went out into field, some near the new fence they were building. On Tuesday I got an extra half day off before Shavuot. I was told it was because I was mitztaien (most excellent) but I really think it was because I was so run down and tired they all felt bad for me. Three other people got off early too, so I can’t really be sure. The past two weeks have been rough.

I came back to the army after 9 days off with my parents, which were fantastic and restful but caused a great shock to my body when I returned. It’s amazing how much a week affects you. I felt rested and good, but I wasn’t ready for what the army had in store for us. I had heard over my mayuchedet (special vacation) that I had received the Negev as my pakal (soldier’s position, such as sharpshooter, light machine gunner or something boring like radio… etc.). The Negev is the Israeli army’s Israeli made light machine gun and it’s supposedly a huge honor to receive as a pakal. It’s automatic firing, takes rambo like belts of bullets and is totally bad-ass. The one draw back is that it’s far from light. In addition to this, my mefaked was one of the ones leading our training on the gun, and he knew I wanted to be a sharpshooter… not a machine gunner (plus I have the best shot in my kita [squad] so I should have gotten it)

We slept for 5-6 hours a night, being woken up in the middle of it every night for some sort of drills. Our last night we woke up for what soldiers not so eloquently call a “rape session”. At first I thought it was some kind of celebration, we were at the shooting range and there were glow sticks thrown everywhere, techno music blasting through a stereo they had brought and everyone was smiling and laughing. That changed all too soon. For the next 45 minutes or so we sprinted, crawled, rolled on the ground, got into kneeling position, prone position, standing position and performed jamming procedures all while having water thrown on us without any sort of rest. Soaking wet and covered in mud all beyond fatigued we returned to our rooms. And we had to sleep again after this!

After Shavua Negev (Negev week) we learned that we would be going to a base to guard for the next 5 days or so. We all thought it would be a pleasant time, considering most of the time when you guard, you only guard two hours and then have off for most of the day. This was different, and especially for me. I got screwed with my guard hours…badly. I was having guard duty at 7pm, 3am, and 11am. I hardly slept. Then on top of this, the last day of guard duty we went to sleep at 2am, and I was told by my mefaked that I was chosen to go guard where they were building new fences. This meant waking up at 5:30 am. Yep! That’s right, a whole 3 1/2 hours of sleep! The next day we were out for the next 13 hours. I was with another soldier walking around the entire day, in full gear – including the ceramic bullet proof vests we wear. Those are not light vests, not made for walking around in, they’re solely for guard duty.

We finished at around 7pm and while waiting for the truck to pick us up to go back to the base, my mefaked decides it’s time for a workout session. Nine sets of 20 pushups and a nice 9 minutes of ab workouts later we finally head back to the base. We meet up with everyone else exhausted beyond belief and learn that we have madas (sport time). Great. At least it was short (2km and some stretching). Finally we slept! The next morning we woke up to madas again?!?!?! This time around though it was with our vests and guns. Great. After about half an hour of running and doing other exercises I could barely stand up and was told to go sit on the side. This rarely happens and was surprised. I was very out of it though so I openly welcomed the couple minutes of rest. I returned and did things as fast as I could but still barely kept up. My Commander(s) are Batshit Crazy.

Tomorrow I return to the army again, my girlfriend doesn’t know that I have this weekend off also 🙂 shhhh don’t tell her! It’s a surprise!